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Now looking back on it all, it seems like I had learned everything I needed to know about life by the time I was sixteen. The problem was, I somehow forgot it all. Maybe if I could explain it to someone else; capture it all this way, and keep it folded up, filed away in a corner of my mind, I could keep from having to repeat the same mistakes.
There was drama, there was conflict... but for the most part, I was incredibly happy. I was happy because I had my friends, and I had love.
But high school ended, one day at a time. Months and years passed, and I grew more distant from each of my friends. Various people flew in and out of my life. I lost some friends to distance, some to circumstance. Mostly, they just drifted away from me, toward their own lives. A few of these people are still in my life, and I'm very lucky, because not everyone still has a friend who knew them when they were seventeen.
It wasn't exactly knowledge I had back then. It was just the sort of naïve wisdom that comes from growing up with people, having their lives become entwined in yours. And then one day, you realize that, even though in some ways, you're still connected, in another way, all the strings have been cut. I still love those people, who helped me define myself, but... it isn't the same. Everything is probably just as it should be, and yet... it can never be the way it was then.
texas rapper bun b released 'TRILL OG', his third solo album, on August.3.2010. Debuting at #4 on the Billboard 200, Trill OG has already seen a rare 5 star rating from Source Magazine.
Down in my soul
One that I and only I could ever know
A song that, that even the angels cannot sing
I have been redeemed'
i regret not being able to express my feelings and i think this time it actually cost me someone i really care for. from now i am going to open up and not be so afraid to get hurt; at least i won't have to live with a spirit of regret.
But now, I mean... I do feel like I have lost something. Not my purity or innocence or any of that... dogmatic bullshit. I've lost... the walls I built to protect myself from feeling... this. I've lost the ability to distance myself from the rest of the lowly humans... my position of self-deprecating superiority that let me live without hope for all those years...
I lost my isolation. I let you in. And I gave you the power to hurt me.
See, I want to be a cat. Because... most cats are very independent creatures. They can be domesticated, but, for the most part, they don't really act like pets as much as they act like caged predators. They fend for themselves. And sometimes, sometimes, when they want you to give them a little affection, they crawl into your lap, and they purr, and they let you pet them, and love them. And then, after a little while, they get sick of you, and they scratch you, and they jump up and they run away. Cats are fierce. Cats get what they need from you, and then they just move on.
I'm not a cat. I'm a dog. Dogs are not independent. Dogs love you, pretty much unconditionally. They are so loyal, it defies all logic. Dogs need you, and they let you know that they need you. They need you to love them. They cry when you leave in the morning, and they jump for joy when you come home at night. They always want your attention. They can't get enough of your love.
I don't want to be a dog. But I am. I think I always will be.
thursday, july 8th 2010, Lebron James decided to end his 7-year run with the Cleveland Cavaliers and relocate to South Beach, Florida, to play with the Dwayne Wayne and newly acquired Chris Bosh and the Miami Heat. Many Cleveland fans are disappointed with his decision, but it's just that: HIS decision. Why should he want to stay in a city where the owner has not only bashed him, but has not even tried to build a team around him. You can't be a championship contender with only one player who is still in his prime and is healthy. I'm excited for the new season and I wish Lebron James the best of luck next season.